Horror silvae

1.
The ocean roar and leaves
And dappled shade, damp air
Trees, unspoiled
And bristling

2.
Step over step, gently, on damp needles
Under close twigs
Offended by the graceless crunching
Of shoes on lignin
Darting eyes, clever prey, elusive
That's why they call it
Mushroom hunting

--A hermit

Less than Apt

the holidays. pressure.
tis the season
to convey my affection. adoration. appreciation.
into an object?

as i understand them
gifts demand to be gifted
upon discovery
they have revealed themselves
to the giver
not to be wrapped and hidden again
[PAH]
but to be transferred ASAP.


-An Unapologetic Random Gift Giving Hermit

Of Reaping Snails and Suchlike.

Radiant plastic whistles
cleaving 8-toothed smiles

into a darkened chamber,
that warehouse--you recall.

Still I here dream, these whistles
to little--no--avail;
that massive pressure at my back
eyes flashing salmon-bright.

Not a poet, nor a child
chew the meal and
reap the tail.

--An 8 o'clock shadow hermit (with the help of her cat, who was instrumental in determining the placement of line breaks by the inspired, intrepid manner in which he pawed the return-key of the word-processing instrument at hand)

Some Further Important Words

Here's a translation of Saint Ubaldino from fake Italian into fake derogatory Italian-English:

Fromazzioni spighali almono, la grazza di trumbio glaffazzio.
Fromazio, spin the almonds! The grasses of trumbobby glaze a zero.

Brumo il palmodori ghira puollo.
Brumo the pomodoro eats chickens.

Ni bare di troffo lettrafruosco.
No truffle bears leave a fruit.

Frangeli etroppo proghatti giulemio, e la grassa cranesca diulogi esta duona!
For the angels, eat kittens dutifully, and the oily cranberry doodie is good!

Il luoso duinare gloppo di passala spalghassa esta di marenare buonona e gruella.
The loose dinner glop of pasta (salt pasta) is of goodly and grueling sauce.

--A truthful hermit

Some Important Words

Here are some fascinating and significant words by Saint Ubaldino, from his text "Il uffizio di spaldini frucoso marenare!":

"Fromazzioni spighali almono, la grazza di trumbio glaffazzio. Brumo il palmodori ghira puollo. Ni bare di troffo lettrafruosco. Frangeli etroppo proghatti giulemio, e la grassa cranesca diulogi esta duona! Il luoso duinare gloppo di passala spalghassa esta di marenare buonona e gruella."


Furthermore, in the spirit of Christmas, let us heed the tender words of the renowned Franz Schmitterlittzen, founder of the Spratz Glessterlingensternzen:

"Geswürzter alles mennsturn neintrein, für die sprachentreinzerstiegelzinnegräfter elben stiegelfraßte und das kleberwenenstreber ichnist trinzelfür; die kleibe graztelmeister und der straßeburger diedlen gleiftürmeiste kleber trünnerglaße!"

-A Quotational Hermit

Words for a Festive Occasion

"I FUCKING LOVE THE DUSTERN HERMIT," he said. She nodded to indicate indifferent agreement*.


*There was clearly some sort of weird power dynamic at play here, but we won't go into that today, of all days.

--An X-Massing Hermit.

The Founder of our Order

http://www.whitepages.com/name/Dustern-R-Nichols/Miami-FL/3788p16

Itemized outline

I've decided to tweak my thesis topic a bit. Here's a preview:

"Commodity Prices in Emerging Markets, 2013 Prospectus: Agriculture, Brushes, Relics, Nuts, Hearts, and Eggs"

Table of Contents

1. agriculture

1.1. industrial

1.2. peasant

1.2.1. deranged ["deranged peasant agriculture"]

2. brushes

2.1. tooth

2.1.1. boar-hair

2.1.2. synthetic

2.1.2.1. secret

2.1.2.1.1. aerial

3. Relics

3.1. Plastic

3.1.1. Genuine

3.1.2. Ersatz

4. nuts

4.1. pine

4.2. mushroom

4.2.1. genuine

4.2.2. ersatz

4.3. cardboard

4.3.1. corrugated

4.3.1.1. soggy

5. hearts

5.1. boar

5.1.1. ersatz

5.2. bleeding

5.2.1. liberal

5.3. Sacred

6. eggs

6.1. poached

6.1.1. artisan

6.2. artisan

6.2.1. boiled
6.2.1.1. artisan
6.3. mispronounced

6.3.1. artisan
6.4. spider
6.4.1. artisan
6.4.2. sub-cutaneous
6.4.2.1. artisan

--An enterprising Hermit

Bright morning, bring me your promises!

Doorknobs coated in a waxy residue remind me of handlebars rubbed glossy with sticky resin.
Only a few things remind me that they are not, in fact, the same thing.
(first thoughts upon waking up from desperate, torrential dreams.)

What are the first and last things on YOUR minds, dear all? Yes, YOU. I'm looking at, yes, you, with knuckleless white-gloved index finger outstretched. Call 1-800-YOU-RSVP for a chance to enter the sweepstakes, open to residents of the U.S. and adjacent territories from now until January 13th!

--An Advertitious Hermit.

Beast Coast

We vacation at break-neck speed.
I have not yet been in one place for more than 36 hours
Since my arrival midnight Tuesday.

Wednesday: Wake up. Help around the house. Lunch with friends. Help around the house. Light dinner. Out to the bar. Turns into high/middle/elementary school reunion. In bed at 3am.

Thursday: Wake up. Help around the house. Compromise with mom. Pack the car. Drive to New Jersey. Get fed. Ride train to New York. East Flo Reunion. Board games and wine. In bed at 2am.

Friday: Wake up. Get back in bed. Get up. Brunch. Thrift stores. Movie. Rush. Introductions. Pack. Goodbyes. Train back to New Jersey. Wait in the cold. Family reunion. In bed at 12am.

Saturday: Wake up. Pack. Drive to Massachusetts. Flurries. Go Christmas shopping. Drive to airport. Reunion-Complete Family Edition. Italian dinner. Relax by the fire.

In bed soon.


--A Holidaying Hermit

Skulking return; more is said by unblinking eyes and neural electronic hum than by black serif-topped columns and stakes. Staggering in the bleached plain, a sweaty ovoid hermit turns up nothing, at least worth upending oneself over.

The tumbler that he is looking for is three-fifths full of an imaginary substance that laps languidly against the metal lip, obscenely aware of its purity. Like a fresh wound on a flaccid old orange (or pomegranate or lemon, according to the prevailing taste) reluctantly releasing sour rivulets of juice, inner juices so wanly protected for a long-overdue appointment. Whoever said that purity was the special property of virginity, was clearly a middle-aged male with disappointed dreams of becoming a firefighter, with a displeasingly mottled son who was the accidental product of a half-hearted tryst with a wife who has since that unfortunate incident decided to become frigid (toward her husband, at least, I have good authority that she once manhandled the milkman into a state of near-feral agitation) in a most resolute manner--just to keep up appearances for their suburban neighbors, comprendo?

Pomegranates taste like that stuff they sell in the supermarket, they really do.

--A Recently-Rediscovered Hermit.

Semiology

I found the following verse scratched onto a strip of silver foil, gleaming in a bed of moss:

latal na 'apti ta

kabd' esartane

enag rupa tse'a

sebderitamne

An approximate translation: